I take hundreds of photos every month, and most of them don’t get shared with anyone, let alone online. And yet the moments in time that those photos capture are just as important a part of our story as the other images that I do choose to share.
I originally created this blog as a way of documenting our lives, a way of watching the girls grow into who they’re going to be and a way of remembering who they once were. It’s something I want them to be able to look back on as they get older, because memories fade but (digital) photographs don’t.
It’s easy (and tempting) to only focus on sharing the fun bits, the memorable parts, the highlights and the celebrations. But I’m learning more and more as I continue through this crazy journey of motherhood that it’s really important to me that I capture the ordinary, everyday times that we spend together as well.
The bits of the jigsaw that fill in the gaps to complete the picture. The tantalising glimpses into who our girls are becoming. The chaos, the calm and all the moments in between.
This monthly feature – The Moments In Between – is a space for me to share all of those magical bits that would otherwise just stay in a folder on my laptop, never to see the light of day.
January started off in the very best of ways with us celebrating Lola’s tenth birthday. My last baby to reach double digits and I still can’t quite believe it.
Unfortunately, she became very poorly the next day and for the following week or so the husband and I were taking it in shifts to look after her so that the other one of us could work/do school runs for the other two girls/sleep. Somehow we muddled through amidst 2am discussions about whether we should take her to hospital, trying to coax her to have a tiny sip of water, soothing her as best as we could and anxiously watching her as she slept. Eventually she turned a corner and began to gradually get better and we finally emerged from it all mid-January feeling like the beginning of the new year had been put on hold.
Since then the pace of life has been slow. The return to routine, the damp and grey weather plus other factors has meant we’ve been at home a lot. We’ve needed it, as challenging as I find it at times.
Lola being ill has meant that there are a lot more photos of her than the other two girls this month, simply because she was at home and they were not. Ella and Mimi have also started choosing to not be in photographs as often and I’m respecting that when they opt out. It just means that when they do say yes, the images I capture are even more special.
I’m still getting used to the light in our new home, still figuring out where the little pockets of magic are and learning where best to capture the images that fill my soul. I’ve felt frustrated at times, limited by my ancient camera and lenses that I really need to upgrade, but looking through these images I’ve put together from our month, there was no need to be. They may not be perfect, but they’re us and they still tell our story.
And now, just like that, the first chapter of 2020 is done and these photographs are what we have to remember it by.
I remember every detail, every movement, every gesture and expression, from every image. The exact reason why I pressed the shutter in that moment. The thoughts I was thinking and the feelings I was feeling. The words that were said. Precisely where we were in that particular moment. They’re so much more than just photographs. They all have a significance for me far deeper than the surface level of what you see.
Every single one brings back layers and layers of meaning, not just of the moment in the picture but of moments gone before and now, looking back at them, the moments that came afterwards too.
Every single one speaks to me in so many ways.
Every single one is a piece of our jigsaw.
Every single one is like a sentence in our life story.
This is us.